The Lost Future

Jack, I am always thinking of all the things I would be doing if you were here.  The appointments for speech therapy, feeding therapy,developmental therapy, physical therapy and of course just enjoying you at the same time. Daddy and I picture what you'd be like all the time- we never know wether to include the Jack after the heart attack or the Jack before. Jack after would have also included the home dialysis, the ng feeding,  getting a lift and wheelchair etc.. and the brain development and learning because I would never have given up. I really believed you would have made it far past the mental stage of three months old with encouragement. The brain people well they were just estimating a guess and have been proven wrong before. Anyway any challenge that Mummy and Daddy had, we would have been thankful for.

 I also picture happy healthy Jack, running around doing silly things and tearing up the house. We were happy you were going to be so different from other children, being that you were going to be our only child we looked forward to the challenges and had great hopes for your future. Not that you would have been a rocket scientist but we envisioned you working on a farm or with animals and living with us forever-if you wanted too. We have always been "odd" people and you were perfect for us and fit right in. I know this sounds crazy but I asked your Daddy the other day "What if we have another baby and it turns out normal?"he thought for a minute and said "any child we love ,will love us back" and I know he is right. I still wish I could look forward to a very different  future with you and I miss it very much. Jack and Mummy forever