Last year very early in my loss of Jack I went strolling on the Internet looking for answers of how to get through this unbearable grief. That's when I came across the first blog I had ever seen, before that I didn't even know blogs existed. I had no idea that millions of people had blogs to share their life, grief, info and ideals. I felt such a commonality with this BLM and was so desperate to share my grief that I told my whole story in her comment box. It felt good to get it all out and it felt even better when she responded. I soon discovered there was a whole world out there of BLMS and even F's that I could relate too. I decided then to start my own blog to share my pain, my journey, to get so many others to see Jack's smiling face and feel some solace that at least in the bloggy world of loss that he was being acknowledged.
That first BlM, the one in which I vomited all my pain and what happened with my son in her comment box actually became one of my first followers and I will forever be thankful for the world she has shown me as it has since become my saving grace. I have since found a wealth of amazing people that offer me support and even when they don't comment that's ok too just knowing they have stopped by and seen Jack makes all the difference. It is not only therapeutic sometimes to post my own journey whether good or bad but to read so many other blogs, relate to there feelings, share their loss and learn how they are walking on this path.
I had a BLM email me that she was getting discouraged about her blog and with some sensitive issues that may come with blogging and loss. I am sure some of us have been through this so I wanted to post a little about that for her.
On my bloggy journey I have I'll admit sometimes felt rejected especially when I was just starting out. When you are new to blogging especially in the loss world you sometimes assume the etiquette of blogging is much the same as conversing. You discover some blogs that run in the same circles as you, you share some BLM followers, or just feel you really relate to what they are saying so you comment on their blogs posts hoping to make a new friend in which you can both share your journeys -only to be ignored. Not only do they not reciprocate but they haven't even glanced at your blog in all the time you have been reading and commenting on theirs. You may not give a dam and move on to others or you may take it heart depending on what kind of person you are.
I cant say why this happens, maybe they are to busy, maybe they get soo many comments they cant respond to everyone, they have enough friends they share their grief with, maybe they don't like your profile, maybe they have stopped by your blog at one point and just feel your not the right fit, yes blogging can also be a little highschoolish. I once had a BLM email me that she would no longer be following or reading my blog when she found out I was atheist and prefer I would do the same.
So even in the bloggy loss world you may sometimes be disappointed , it may seem like some blogs take off fast and find lots of peoples to share their stories and ups and downs with right away and yours does not but yes it does happen to other people too and you are not alone in this experience. If your blog doesn't take off fast just know that eventually you will find some wonderful and amazing people out there, some you have everything in common with, some you don't but give you a fresh outlook on your grief, some that you live vicariously through that may be going through some good changes that you have yet to reach. It may be alot of blms you will eventually find to share with or just a special few but stick it out because some of the people you will find are well worth the wait.
I have found that my bloggy experience is evolving, lately I haven't even felt up to even posting very much. I have had some major letdowns lately and am going through this kind of quiet clam up stage in my grief, instead of finding comfort in releasing my emotions on a post I am just comforted reading and commenting on other blogs. This sometimes helps me feel not so alone. I hope my inspiration will come back but for now I know my blog will be there to say a few words or pour it all out when I need to. Ive have learned so much about other very special children and parents and I have been so thankful to get to know them. I have also learned alot about grief in general. Thanks to ALL BLMS out there, your children, your stories of loss and your journies are very very important and your words are always going to find someone that needs them.
ps I love you baby , my everything Jack and Mummy forever.
19 hours ago
9 comments:
Thank your story made me feel so much better
Michelle,
I am sorry to hear that your friend is feeling discouraged by her blogging experience. You are so right that sometimes you may comment on someones blog and not get a return coment from them. I don't think that anybody means any harm. Like you, I have made some good friends troug blogging, you being one of them. I think in the end it is the quality of people that you meet, not the quantity. There are some amazing people out there and it is so sad to think that we are all mourning the loss of our amazing children.
P.S, You are better off not having someone follow your blog who would judge you based on your beleifs. You would think that losing a child would change a persons perspective.
Thinking of you and Jack,
Marisa
I am here, I am listening. I always look for your comments when I post a new blog. You are one of my first followers. I check your blog often for updates. Guess the point that I am making, is I get the making connections because I made one here with you. I wish I had better words to share, I hate the days where I read and just feel like I can not offer the comfort that you deserve with my mere words, a poetic writer I am not. But I love to read the things you write and I love to see Jack's pic whenever I stop by.
Sending love to you and Jack. I am glad I found your blog and you. :)
I agree with Marisa above. I know despite the fact that I post photos, photoshop tutorials and other entries I did see a little discouragement from my Dear.. ? letters and receive an email about it from a woman who was against me for posting. I've dealt with this before. I know that my future letters will not make sense to others but they don't need to bother reading it. I know in the future when I become pregnant again and brag on about my little pregnancy and baby those who follow who suffer some sort of loss might not follow me. That is all fine. Grief is a crazy process. I have put myself down for not posting a new letter. I am sorry you have encountered such negative comments and people. I've came across many blogs I find to over religious, to much about fashion or I have no interest for. People should just keep there comments to themselves. I hope you feel better pretty lady.
Thanks guys you are all amazing and Paula I am really horrible at finding the right words too LOL
You are all sweet bunch and cudos to you for being so understanding but personally I especially in the blog loss community think that everyone deserves acknowledgement and you should give your followers the same respect and support you expect. If I comment on someones blog alot and notice they join new blogs or comment on everyone elses blog but mine of course I am going to be miffed and wonder what is it about me or my dead child that they dont like as it seems they are puposely ignoring me. Thats just me no offense and yes this is anonymous, I may be forward but dont prefer hate mail lol From what I am reading you are to nice for that but as you all know even in this community sadly there are still nasty people that dont see we all share a common bond.
On most days I can hardly find the words, my feelings are just so all over the place and sometimes I don't feel like I make much sense. So I visit others blogs and it helps me make some type of sense of my grief. Then other days the words flow, straight from my heart and it's such a release. And I always appreciate each and every comment I receive. It's nice to know that people care when in my day to day I don't feel like many people care anymore or think about Liam anymore. I'm thankful to have met you and to have found your blog because knowing you makes me feel not alone.
I come here to see your beautiful smiling Jack and to see if you have a new post. And I agree with Marisa, you're better off not having that person follow your blog.
I am very grateful to have found this blm blogging community also. I have definitely felt though that I not as close as some others are to one another. I guess maybe I needed to ask for emails more or what not but at the same time just being able to read someones posts about how they are feeling and handling there grief from day to day is enough. I also feel I have a hard time expressing how I really feel and that is definitely where it is nice to see other blogs where my thoughts seem to have been put into words perfectly. It also is so nice to see someones comments though and no that they are reading.
I am not sure where I would be without the baby loss blog world. It has been a huge buoy to me and my grief. I would feel so incredibly alone without you and all the other amazing mamas I have found. I find that usually I am in the minority of not believing in an angel or religion, but that does not stop me from reading posts from those who believe that. I think hope and belief is a wonderful way to cope with tragedy and sometimes i wish I had it too. But it isn't for me. One of the ways I found mamas was being a blog extrovert...clicking from link to link and finding people I connect with and then commenting. Anyway. I appreciate you and abide with you. Hugs.
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