This was written for Jack's baby scrap book, before he went in for his surgery.
Jack Damian Wilbee
Before I was pregnant while shopping at a walmart I cruised past this young beaming couple who were proudly showing off their newborn. "Isn't he perfect and soooo handsome", they were saying to other shoppers that stopped to look and coo at the baby.I had a peak myself and when they said this I vehemently agreed "oh yes there could never be a more perfect child" but really in my mind I was thinking I've never seen a more butt ugly baby. I thought to myself, I will never be so unrealistic and if I ever have a child I will love him or her no matter what but see him for what he is. That way others wont be rolling there eyes and thinking otherwise.
Fast forward: after a tumultuous 54 hr hour delivery with allot of doctor screw ups we had Jack Damian. He was beautiful, handsome and perfect with a full head of hair. We did not notice anything odd about him at all. The pediatrician came in to check him over and after taking a very quick look at his face and hands he said to us," I think he has Down Syndrome.Our reply, "bullshit." Yes I'll admit we were educated hard working people with potty mouths. Something Daddy will have to be careful with later when Jack learns his first words. The pediatrician pointed out the indications for Downs. First the different line pattern on the palms of his hands. Codie immediately put out his own hand and said" Well look at mine there not exactly normal every ones are different." Moving on the pediatrician then pointed out his almond shaped eyes. I say, "well look at our eyes they are somewhat slanty" Codie did have allot of similar features with some Downs adults we had seen on tv. Small hands and feet, flared nostrils and sturdy body type. What my mom calls a stocky stature. Besides we didn't know who Codie's father was. So we explained to the pediatrition "maybe he has some Asian heritage". He said he would run tests anyway but we had already put it out of our minds and forgotten about it before he even left the room. Our child was perfect.
Fast forward to doomsday. I call it that because of all the disastrous things that happened to us that day. It was 4 days after we were released from the hospital. We were at Jacks first doctors appointment with the maternity follow up clinic. "Jack looks good guys even though his weight loss is a little fast but not that abnormal for some children after birth," our maternity doc said. "But Michelle your very pale".. "yes well I'm still bleeding allot but isn't that normal after birth?" I replied. "Sometimes," she said "but lets set you up with a visit to the obgyn at the hospital jut to be sure." She knew more then she was letting on then but I think she didn't want to panic us. "OK"I said "When will that be?". "Well I'm going to set it up for right now since your already out with the baby just scoot on over there after we finish up." Hmmmmm yeah we didn't clue in.
Fast forward: I've unknowingly been hemorrhaging the whole time. The docs are astounded that I'm walking and talking considering Ive already lost half my blood supply. We are waiting for me to get hooked up for more blood when we get a phone call on Codie's cell. He listened "Uhuh, ok," then he hung up. I think he wasn't going to tell me. He was trying to keep an expressionless face but I could always read him. "What is it?" I said a little loudly. He just spit it right out" Jack has Down's Syndrome". So I'm sitting in a hospital room bleeding to death and my world comes crashing in. Immediately before he even got out the last syllable "ome" I break into a loud grieving wail, a sound that I didn't even know I could make. Heads turned and people looked but kept to there own business as I started to ball my eyes out. We didn't really know much about Down's Syndrome then. My only thought was that we wouldn't have a normal life and Jack would forever be 3yrs old. Totally not the case at all -Downs children are developmentally delayed yes but they grow up and progress like any other child. With hard work and encouragement from there parents they can still become a working and functioning member of society. They are amazing beings that Ive come to realize will show me forever a world where innocence is not lost and beauty always remains to be seen all around. The way they see things is so different and so amazing, its a gift to be privilege to that.
Anywhos at the time I cried and cried grieving for the planned and expected future that I had lost. Codie was strong and really didn't act like much had changed, he never has even since then. My grief was short lived and after one good cry I looked into Jack's face. The thought of Down's Syndrome as a bad word was wiped out and all I saw was pure perfection.
I was admitted and operated on and in the hell hospital for a week or more until I was feeling strong enough to fight to get out. After all I had perfection at home and did not want to miss a minute of it.
I understand now what those parents in Walmart saw and what perfection and beauty really is. I now truly understand the meaning of unconditional love.
Fast forward : Jack is now 3 months old and has open heart surgery in a week, Down's Syndrome children often have heart defects and other medical problems which to me is the only scary thing about the diagnoses. We will be away from home for pretty much a month. We are financially struggling to survive. With Jack's vast amount of medical appointments and special medical care and around the clock surveillance by us, we take shifts- my husband can no longer attempt to work his vocation as a long haul trucker or have time to pursue any new career for that matter. Life is hell and stressful but at least through it all we get to revel in the perfection that is Jack. Who through all his fighting to live stays extraordinarily happy. Who cares what others think he really is soooo perfect and soooo handsome . There could never be a more perfect child.
Fast forward: after a tumultuous 54 hr hour delivery with allot of doctor screw ups we had Jack Damian. He was beautiful, handsome and perfect with a full head of hair. We did not notice anything odd about him at all. The pediatrician came in to check him over and after taking a very quick look at his face and hands he said to us," I think he has Down Syndrome.Our reply, "bullshit." Yes I'll admit we were educated hard working people with potty mouths. Something Daddy will have to be careful with later when Jack learns his first words. The pediatrician pointed out the indications for Downs. First the different line pattern on the palms of his hands. Codie immediately put out his own hand and said" Well look at mine there not exactly normal every ones are different." Moving on the pediatrician then pointed out his almond shaped eyes. I say, "well look at our eyes they are somewhat slanty" Codie did have allot of similar features with some Downs adults we had seen on tv. Small hands and feet, flared nostrils and sturdy body type. What my mom calls a stocky stature. Besides we didn't know who Codie's father was. So we explained to the pediatrition "maybe he has some Asian heritage". He said he would run tests anyway but we had already put it out of our minds and forgotten about it before he even left the room. Our child was perfect.
Fast forward to doomsday. I call it that because of all the disastrous things that happened to us that day. It was 4 days after we were released from the hospital. We were at Jacks first doctors appointment with the maternity follow up clinic. "Jack looks good guys even though his weight loss is a little fast but not that abnormal for some children after birth," our maternity doc said. "But Michelle your very pale".. "yes well I'm still bleeding allot but isn't that normal after birth?" I replied. "Sometimes," she said "but lets set you up with a visit to the obgyn at the hospital jut to be sure." She knew more then she was letting on then but I think she didn't want to panic us. "OK"I said "When will that be?". "Well I'm going to set it up for right now since your already out with the baby just scoot on over there after we finish up." Hmmmmm yeah we didn't clue in.
Fast forward: I've unknowingly been hemorrhaging the whole time. The docs are astounded that I'm walking and talking considering Ive already lost half my blood supply. We are waiting for me to get hooked up for more blood when we get a phone call on Codie's cell. He listened "Uhuh, ok," then he hung up. I think he wasn't going to tell me. He was trying to keep an expressionless face but I could always read him. "What is it?" I said a little loudly. He just spit it right out" Jack has Down's Syndrome". So I'm sitting in a hospital room bleeding to death and my world comes crashing in. Immediately before he even got out the last syllable "ome" I break into a loud grieving wail, a sound that I didn't even know I could make. Heads turned and people looked but kept to there own business as I started to ball my eyes out. We didn't really know much about Down's Syndrome then. My only thought was that we wouldn't have a normal life and Jack would forever be 3yrs old. Totally not the case at all -Downs children are developmentally delayed yes but they grow up and progress like any other child. With hard work and encouragement from there parents they can still become a working and functioning member of society. They are amazing beings that Ive come to realize will show me forever a world where innocence is not lost and beauty always remains to be seen all around. The way they see things is so different and so amazing, its a gift to be privilege to that.
Anywhos at the time I cried and cried grieving for the planned and expected future that I had lost. Codie was strong and really didn't act like much had changed, he never has even since then. My grief was short lived and after one good cry I looked into Jack's face. The thought of Down's Syndrome as a bad word was wiped out and all I saw was pure perfection.
I was admitted and operated on and in the hell hospital for a week or more until I was feeling strong enough to fight to get out. After all I had perfection at home and did not want to miss a minute of it.
I understand now what those parents in Walmart saw and what perfection and beauty really is. I now truly understand the meaning of unconditional love.
Fast forward : Jack is now 3 months old and has open heart surgery in a week, Down's Syndrome children often have heart defects and other medical problems which to me is the only scary thing about the diagnoses. We will be away from home for pretty much a month. We are financially struggling to survive. With Jack's vast amount of medical appointments and special medical care and around the clock surveillance by us, we take shifts- my husband can no longer attempt to work his vocation as a long haul trucker or have time to pursue any new career for that matter. Life is hell and stressful but at least through it all we get to revel in the perfection that is Jack. Who through all his fighting to live stays extraordinarily happy. Who cares what others think he really is soooo perfect and soooo handsome . There could never be a more perfect child.
JACK
